Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think people are normalizing furries
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
