I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize