i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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