Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
where are my eyebrows?
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