I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if only i could text you this smell
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
