he puts the penis in happiness.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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