So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i think i just lost a toe
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
