Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
