I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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