A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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