Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So many bounce houses so little time
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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