so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
