Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
