i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
