just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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