Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
