party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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