we're blogging at a bar
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.