Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.