yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
