Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
