i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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