Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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