I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
