She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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