We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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