I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
