After last night, I could never be a politician.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
