from now on my penis is your penis
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
