So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
