I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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