why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
