Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
