It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Randomize
