I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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