You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
