not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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