I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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