the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
