I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
