i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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