I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
