I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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