Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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