you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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