Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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