Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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