Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
