Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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