It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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