Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
