we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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