We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
