i permit you to call me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
