I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
