Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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