DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
