How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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