I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
