when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
