About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
