hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
