I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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