Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
