You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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