Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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