And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
