I showed him my bush... on skype.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
